Today was one for the books. Every guy has that same line "but baby, I'm different" but turn out to be all the same upon closer inspection. We try not to prejudge someone or be bias because of our past that is now hindering our trust in the present; but to believe it won't happen again, is foolish and naive.
My trust issues started a long time ago, back when I lived with a guy that cheated on me moments before I got to the house and tried to blame the empty condom wrappers on me. Then once I fell in love with D and my whole world crumbled to pieces within seconds when a girl answered his phone telling me she has been with him the whole 2 years we had been. Over and over again I found myself breaking down walls only to build bigger ones up.
This past year, I fell for a guy name Paul. Paul persistently pursued me but I felt like his pickup lines were played and I don't go for the "cassanova" type. Cockiness does not win you the girl fellas. Well one day Paul decides to "get at" one of my acquaintances. Not knowing the extent of their time together I brushed it off. Nonetheless, Paul never let in on trying to get me. One day we ended up, through mutual friends, at a table together after the club. I showed him my youtube channel and he praised me for my talents. I saw a different side to him as he had his friend ask me once again for my number, this time I gave it to him.
I hung out with him with no intentions of being anything more than his friend, especially after I did not know what happened with him and my friend. He promised nothing happened and continued to woe me. I felt the same adrenaline rush as I did with D, the only problem was, what he had done. It made me scared to believe what Paul said "That I was the only person he liked, that he was different, that I should trust him".
Two months into us, he started telling me he loved me. I would notice his phone ring consistently when he was around but didn't worry too much because he gave me his word. I constantly saw the same name though, Kia. Finally I found out the truth, although he told me Kia was from the past, she currently was his live in girlfriend. They played house whenever I wasn't there. Evidently she knew of me, (was supposedly okay with it) but I wasn't.
Once I found out about her, he started publicizing it, rubbing it in my face….but would claim it's all for show, just to make her feel content with her status but I was still the one he wanted, he just couldn't let go of a 3 year, on and off again relationship. He moved away but kept in touch, begging for me to visit. I convinced myself, I deserve better and wanted to tell him this but every time I did, he would pull me back in. Like a gravitational pull, we can't help who we love, no matter how damaging it can be. I did everything for him, gave him money, held him down, supported him, allowed his friends to steal from me, loved him unconditionally…yet somehow he felt that he needed to be there and not here with me. When he came back in town I was ready, had my farewell speech planned like I was the valedictorian at graduation, yet he said those magic words "I Love You" and I was putty in his hands.
My mother and father disapproved. Said he's only using you, why can't you see that. I compared the affair to Love and Hip Hop ATL, and somehow I was the Joseline to his Stevie J and she was Mimi. No one could understand why I stayed, I didn't even understand it. I could totally comprehend he was bad for me, I could pretend to be as strong as I wanted but he was my kyrptonite.
I went out one night with once again no prior feelings of "talking to someone" but here comes Matt. Matt hit me in the club….who hits someone? (other than: Ike, Chris Brown, The Busdriver, Ochocinco, and Miguel) It was an awkward approach but it caught my attention? Lmao sounds terrible. He asked to take me out the very next day. We went out and he didn't want to leave my side. First it was to the movies and then dinner…I had to ask the oh so important question "are you talking to anyone" I didn't want a replay of Paul all over again. He told me he had a friend with benefit named Bianca.
He told me I kind of resemble her ::eh wrong answer men, never tell a girl this even if it's true which in this case, it was the furthest thing from it:: he told me, he was tired of her though, he was looking for something better, something new. I was intrigued, I couldn't believe I had a long lost twin and wanted to see this…he showed me her twitter account and I saw her saying "I love you babe, I want to marry you, I want to have your kids (mind you she's only 21)" the first thing that came to mind was, this chubby chic looks nothing like me…and secondly it sounds like either he's lying to me or he's leading her on. He promised that "he was different" and that she was delusional and he would set things straight with her. I told him to start by deleting any interaction with her on his social media, which he complied. It then lead to him screen capping conversations between the two of them to show me he was done.
It appeared that he was serious about us. He asked that I let go of anyone I was talking to as well so I texted Paul, I was finally done and had found someone better. Paul said in a condescending tone "You love me, you can't be with anyone else, but I'm happy for you". Matt initially said "I'll show you the texts in person" but then renigged once he got in my presence saying it had all been deleted. We went out on a few more dates, he spent the nights over my place and then all of a sudden when my dad got sick and had surgery, and then I had surgery, I didn't hear from him. He started blowing me off and when I questioned his weird actions, he would immediately become defensive and say I was tripping. Now if I were that kind of girl, this is where I would insert screen capped conversations between Bianca and I, and Matt and I so people could really see what's up. Or I could have just inserted the half naked video and pics I have of him…but like I said not that kind of girl :P
I saw him two weeks later and the morning after, when Bianca called he kept trying to refer to her as a guy so I wouldn't know who it was when I could clearly hear a girl's voice. When she asked his whereabouts, he kept telling her I'll call you back in a minute. I asked if he had been in contact with her at all during this time, he said she calls me all the time and won't leave me alone, it's hard to let her down when she's so needy and clingy. He told me he picked her up from work and dropped her off and one day they hung out but that's it. He then says I have to go…I say, really right after she calls? He says it's not even like that…A tale I've heard plenty of times before.
Next thing I know, I get a comment from Bianca on my Instagram page on a pic of him and I. Saying you can have my sloppy seconds, you don't have to play second anymore yadda yadda. Now once again if I was that kind of girl, here would be the proof that wasn't shit sloppy about anything over here and how HE was BEGGING to be with ME not the other way around….I would insert texts where he talked about her like a dog…but nope not how I roll…too grown for that.
I let her know hashtag she tried it, address the issue with him and not me. I was done. I text him, "delete my number and tell Bianca when she kiss you in the mouth, to tell you how good my pussy taste"
There's a few quotes on my IG I love:
"Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool, is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn't what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won't tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate"
"Wife, main bitch, sideline, baby mama, hoe, etc. At the end of the day ya'll still all sharing the same nigga. No title is better than the next. Bitches be scared to walk away cuz they don't want the other bitch to feel like she won. But wtf is she winning? Extra stress? Wondering which bitch he with? Let them have it. If your "Man" don't respect your relationship, why should anyone else"
Why as women, do we allow disrespect and lower our standards and morals for someone to treat us anything less than a queen. Remember a queen never comes off her throne to address a peasant, had to be reminded of that today. I was wrong to even reply to the ignorance. I really honestly feel bad for Kia, Bianca, and any woman who tolerates this….You say "he don't disrespect me, he loves me" love doesn't treat you this way. It may not be with me, but the fact that your man is looking elsewhere (outside of the relationship) shows he is unfaithful, unwilling and not ready to commit. He has a void that needs to be filled and if not with I, then with some other unbeknownst victim. "Once a cheater always a cheater" He'll say baby I'll change, we need to work on us, publicize you on social media as "the only one I love, I want to marry" but he'll be texting another woman "hey bae, I miss you" the very next day.
You only get treated as badly as you allow. You may say, "but I love him" and sometimes loving someone means letting them go and allowing them to grow. Sometimes they need that break to reevaluate the important things in life, and if you're one of them, they'll fight for you…not convince you that they've changed only to do the same thing again. If it comes back without force, it was meant to be, just don't be naive like I was. "Marry me" he says while he cheats with several different women, do you honestly think once you marry him or have his kids things will get BETTER? On the contrary, they'll decline and you'll end up a divorced nobody or another young ass baby momma with a dead beat daddy on Maury.
Learn from my mistakes so hopefully you don't have to make your own. Guys so often want your trust without earning it. "Just trust me" like he's Aladdin, knowing he's no damn prince in disguise. Trust half of what you see, and none of what you hear…"baby i'm different" is the line, proving he's all the same. If you settle for something, don't be upset when he doesn't live up to the man you envisioned yourself with. Don't settle…there are plenty more fish in the sea. When one swims off, another swims up. Never chase after a bus when another one comes in five minutes. Pick your analogy and run with it….Replace don't chase
This generation man…stop allowing yourself to be someone's punching bag. Stop allowing yourself to be demeaned and belittled. Stop running back to a man who says he loves you but treats you otherwise. If he cheats, no matter how good he is with you….HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU….Period point blank, put a tampon in, end of story
I've made the same mistake time and time again. They were my lessons, to live through and to grow. Fooled me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me more times, I'm catching a case I'm just saying lol
Love is a difficult task to take on. Just know you're not supposed to look for it. It'll find you, catch you off guard and make your whole world make sense and you'll finally understand why letting the worthless cheater go benefited you in the end. He'll still be out there cheating nonchalantly while you'll finally not have to check in on your man, worry if he's with another bitch, check his social media, have to constantly post "Love you bae @histwittername" so everyone knows ya'll good…it will be a non verbalized mutual understanding. He loves you so much he would never want to break your trust or your heart.
Once he cheats on you and you take him back, he's realized not what he has, but what he can get away with…don't be naive
"Love doesn't hurt. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, disrespect hurts, rejection hurts, being lied to, played with and deceived hurts. They confuse these with Love"
#knowyourworth
I know I'm a good woman. When I'm in a relationship I jump full force in. I wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes get taken advantage of. I love wholeheartedly, give my time, money, dedication, devotion, everything. I'm the girl that'll argue with you about the game, fuck you like I miss you, hold you down even when you wrong, have your back when shit pop off, play video games with you, and support your hustle…Only one thing I expect in return, is being treated like your queen. Nothing less, nothing more.
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