Trust Me, I'm Different

Today was one for the books. Every guy has that same line "but baby, I'm different" but turn out to be all the same upon closer inspection. We try not to prejudge someone or be bias because of our past that is now hindering our trust in the present; but to believe it won't happen again, is foolish and naive.

My trust issues started a long time ago, back when I lived with a guy that cheated on me moments before I got to the house and tried to blame the empty condom wrappers on me. Then once I fell in love with D and my whole world crumbled to pieces within seconds when a girl answered his phone telling me she has been with him the whole 2 years we had been. Over and over again I found myself breaking down walls only to build bigger ones up.

This past year, I fell for a guy name Paul. Paul persistently pursued me but I felt like his pickup lines were played and I don't go for the "cassanova" type. Cockiness does not win you the girl fellas. Well one day Paul decides to "get at" one of my acquaintances. Not knowing the extent of their time together I brushed it off. Nonetheless, Paul never let in on trying to get me. One day we ended up, through mutual friends, at a table together after the club. I showed him my youtube channel and he praised me for my talents. I saw a different side to him as he had his friend ask me once again for my number, this time I gave it to him.

I hung out with him with no intentions of being anything more than his friend, especially after I did not know what happened with him and my friend. He promised nothing happened and continued to woe me. I felt the same adrenaline rush as I did with D, the only problem was, what he had done. It made me scared to believe what Paul said "That I was the only person he liked, that he was different, that I should trust him". 

Two months into us, he started telling me he loved me. I would notice his phone ring consistently when he was around but didn't worry too much because he gave me his word. I constantly saw the same name though, Kia. Finally I found out the truth, although he told me Kia was from the past, she currently was his live in girlfriend. They played house whenever I wasn't there. Evidently she knew of me, (was supposedly okay with it) but I wasn't. 

Once I found out about her, he started publicizing it, rubbing it in my face….but would claim it's all for show, just to make her feel content with her status but I was still the one he wanted, he just couldn't let go of a 3 year, on and off again relationship. He moved away but kept in touch, begging for me to visit. I convinced myself, I deserve better and wanted to tell him this but every time I did, he would pull me back in. Like a gravitational pull, we can't help who we love, no matter how damaging it can be. I did everything for him, gave him money, held him down, supported him, allowed his friends to steal from me, loved him unconditionally…yet somehow he felt that he needed to be there and not here with me. When he came back in town I was ready, had my farewell speech planned like I was the valedictorian at graduation, yet he said those magic words "I Love You" and I was putty in his hands.

My mother and father disapproved. Said he's only using you, why can't you see that. I compared the affair to Love and Hip Hop ATL, and somehow I was the Joseline to his Stevie J and she was Mimi. No one could understand why I stayed, I didn't even understand it. I could totally comprehend he was bad for me, I could pretend to be as strong as I wanted but he was my kyrptonite. 

I went out one night with once again no prior feelings of "talking to someone" but here comes Matt. Matt hit me in the club….who hits someone? (other than: Ike, Chris Brown, The Busdriver, Ochocinco, and Miguel) It was an awkward approach but it caught my attention? Lmao sounds terrible. He asked to take me out the very next day. We went out and he didn't want to leave my side. First it was to the movies and then dinner…I had to ask the oh so important question "are you talking to anyone" I didn't want a replay of Paul all over again. He told me he had a friend with benefit named Bianca. 

He told me I kind of resemble her ::eh wrong answer men, never tell a girl this even if it's true which in this case, it was the furthest thing from it:: he told me, he was tired of her though, he was looking for something better, something new. I was intrigued, I couldn't believe I had a long lost twin and wanted to see this…he showed me her twitter account and I saw her saying "I love you babe, I want to marry you, I want to have your kids (mind you she's only 21)" the first thing that came to mind was, this chubby chic looks nothing like me…and secondly it sounds like either he's lying to me or he's leading her on. He promised that "he was different" and that she was delusional and he would set things straight with her. I told him to start by deleting any interaction with her on his social media, which he complied. It then lead to him screen capping conversations between the two of them to show me he was done. 

It appeared that he was serious about us. He asked that I let go of anyone I was talking to as well so I texted Paul, I was finally done and had found someone better. Paul said in a condescending tone "You love me, you can't be with anyone else, but I'm happy for you". Matt initially said "I'll show you the texts in person" but then renigged once he got in my presence saying it had all been deleted. We went out on a few more dates, he spent the nights over my place and then all of a sudden when my dad got sick and had surgery, and then I had surgery, I didn't hear from him. He started blowing me off and when I questioned his weird actions, he would immediately become defensive and say I was tripping. Now if I were that kind of girl, this is where I would insert screen capped conversations between Bianca and I, and Matt and I so people could really see what's up. Or I could have just inserted the half naked video and pics I have of him…but like I said not that kind of girl :P

I saw him two weeks later and the morning after, when Bianca called he kept trying to refer to her as a guy so I wouldn't know who it was when I could clearly hear a girl's voice. When she asked his whereabouts, he kept telling her I'll call you back in a minute. I asked if he had been in contact with her at all during this time, he said she calls me all the time and won't leave me alone, it's hard to let her down when she's so needy and clingy. He told me he picked her up from work and dropped her off and one day they hung out but that's it. He then says I have to go…I say, really right after she calls? He says it's not even like that…A tale I've heard plenty of times before.

Next thing I know, I get a comment from Bianca on my Instagram page on a pic of him and I. Saying you can have my sloppy seconds, you don't have to play second anymore yadda yadda. Now once again if I was that kind of girl, here would be the proof that wasn't shit sloppy about anything over here and how HE was BEGGING to be with ME not the other way around….I would insert texts where he talked about her like a dog…but nope not how I roll…too grown for that.

I let her know hashtag she tried it, address the issue with him and not me. I was done. I text him, "delete my number and tell Bianca when she kiss you in the mouth, to tell you how good my pussy taste" 

There's a few quotes on my IG I love:

"Sticking by your man through hard times is one thing, but allowing him to make you his fool, is something else. To be a good woman who stands by her man is admirable, to be a ride or die is foolish. Sometimes staying isn't what makes you strong, but knowing your worth and deciding that you won't tolerate abuse or disrespect. People do make mistakes and forgiveness is important but once a mistake becomes a habit it is time to reevaluate"

"Wife, main bitch, sideline, baby mama, hoe, etc. At the end of the day ya'll still all sharing the same nigga. No title is better than the next. Bitches be scared to walk away cuz they don't want the other bitch to feel like she won. But wtf is she winning? Extra stress? Wondering which bitch he with? Let them have it. If your "Man" don't respect your relationship, why should anyone else"

Why as women, do we allow disrespect and lower our standards and morals for someone to treat us anything less than a queen. Remember a queen never comes off her throne to address a peasant, had to be reminded of that today. I was wrong to even reply to the ignorance. I really honestly feel bad for Kia, Bianca,  and any woman who tolerates this….You say "he don't disrespect me, he loves me" love doesn't treat you this way. It may not be with me, but the fact that your man is looking elsewhere (outside of the relationship) shows he is unfaithful, unwilling and not ready to commit. He has a void that needs to be filled and if not with I, then with some other unbeknownst victim. "Once a cheater always a cheater" He'll say baby I'll change, we need to work on us, publicize you on social media as "the only one I love, I want to marry" but he'll be texting another woman "hey bae, I miss you" the very next day. 

You only get treated as badly as you allow. You may say, "but I love him" and sometimes loving someone means letting them go and allowing them to grow. Sometimes they need that break to reevaluate the important things in life, and if you're one of them, they'll fight for you…not convince you that they've changed only to do the same thing again. If it comes back without force, it was meant to be, just don't be naive like I was. "Marry me" he says while he cheats with several different women, do you honestly think once you marry him or have his kids things will get BETTER? On the contrary, they'll decline and you'll end up a divorced nobody or another young ass baby momma with a dead beat daddy on Maury. 

Learn from my mistakes so hopefully you don't have to make your own. Guys so often want your trust without earning it. "Just trust me" like he's Aladdin, knowing he's no damn prince in disguise. Trust half of what you see, and none of what you hear…"baby i'm different" is the line, proving he's all the same. If you settle for something, don't be upset when he doesn't live up to the man you envisioned yourself with. Don't settle…there are plenty more fish in the sea. When one swims off, another swims up. Never chase after a bus when another one comes in five minutes. Pick your analogy and run with it….Replace don't chase

This generation man…stop allowing yourself to be someone's punching bag. Stop allowing yourself to be demeaned and belittled. Stop running back to a man who says he loves you but treats you otherwise. If he cheats, no matter how good he is with you….HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU….Period point blank, put a tampon in, end of story

I've made the same mistake time and time again. They were my lessons, to live through and to grow. Fooled me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me more times, I'm catching a case I'm just saying lol 

Love is a difficult task to take on. Just know you're not supposed to look for it. It'll find you, catch you off guard and make your whole world make sense and you'll finally understand why letting the worthless cheater go benefited you in the end. He'll still be out there cheating nonchalantly while you'll finally not have to check in on your man, worry if he's with another bitch, check his social media, have to constantly post "Love you bae @histwittername" so everyone knows ya'll good…it will be a non verbalized mutual understanding. He loves you so much he would never want to break your trust or your heart.

Once he cheats on you and you take him back, he's realized not what he has, but what he can get away with…don't be naive

"Love doesn't hurt. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, losing someone hurts, disrespect hurts, rejection hurts, being lied to, played with and deceived hurts. They confuse these with Love"

#knowyourworth

I know I'm a good woman. When I'm in a relationship I jump full force in. I wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes get taken advantage of. I love wholeheartedly, give my time, money, dedication, devotion, everything. I'm the girl that'll argue with you about the game, fuck you like I miss you, hold you down even when you wrong, have your back when shit pop off, play video games with you, and support your hustle…Only one thing I expect in return, is being treated like your queen. Nothing less, nothing more.

Til Death Do Us Part

I haven't written one of these in a long time. This will be probably the hardest one to write since I never truly opened up about this topic or this person. Crying as I type should make this one come straight from the heart. For privacy purposes, the names have been changed.

My sophomore year of high school, I transferred to a school that if I said I hated, it would be an understatement. I was bullied, picked on, constantly had girls harass me and follow me around trying to fight me (I ended up getting suspended for fighting back) The only upside for me, was gym. Jason was a year older than me and thus did not share the class with me but we did share the gym period meaning I saw him before and after class. Towards mid semester, he stopped me and told me I was beautiful. I don't think I ever smiled harder.

After he graduated and I was in my senior year, he would pick me up from school and we would hang out all day. School became too much without him so I enrolled in a program called human success so that I would no longer have to go there, finish the classes I needed at college to get my diploma early and thus have more time with Jason.

My friends that knew of us talking would always tell me he was cheating on me, but I would look into his deep brown eyes and ask him and he swore I was the only person and he loved me more than life itself. Words are nothing without actions. He would ask me about my past and he was the first person I opened up to, cried in front of and allowed to wipe away my tears. I knew he was my first love and hopefully the one for me. I would tell my friends, there's no way that he could cheat on me, we're always together. He lived four blocks away from me and was within walking distance so I was always there.

One day he told me he had got a new place up north and was able to buy a new car. I was happy for him because I always wanted him to do well although he was moving further away from me, he promised to always make the trip to come see me.

After being involved two and a half years, I called him one very memorable night. A girl picks up and demands for me to tell her who I am. Not being one for drama, I told her my name and she tells me hers is Meghan and that her and Jason had been together for three years. I apologized and hung up the phone. Two minutes later, she calls back, telling me I'm the first girl that had called all day that didn't try to start something with her. She goes on to telling me, she's been beaten by him, she's had several abortions by him, he had just moved into her house and was now driving her car. She began crying to a complete stranger (myself) telling me about the flaws in their relationship and how she just couldn't stand it, but she didn't have the strength to leave. Meghan and I sat on the his phone for two hours, reflecting on what we both thought was our one true love.

The next day, Jason calls. He tells me, some crazy girl stole his phone and somehow he managed to get it back and saw she had called me. I must have looked more blonde then or something because how he could ever think that was a plausible excuse was beyond me. I challenged his theory and we went back and forth until I hung up. He then began texting me an array of insults saying well fuck you then, you believe some ho over me you never really loved me and became very defensive. Everything finally made sense. What I had thought was love was all a lie. I was in it by myself and my heart was broken.

A month later, I was getting ready for work at Macy's. While I was walking out the door, he called me; only to find out when I picked up, it was Meghan. She told me he had been shot and killed and asked if I knew anything about it. I told her no and hung up. Thinking this chick was really losing it and was just telling me anything to make sure me and him were no longer talking I wrote it off; but much to my dismay once I got in the car, people were blowing me up apologizing for my lost. I checked google and saw the report of him being shot to death and at that very moment I couldn't breathe. My sister who was driving at the time, asked what was wrong and I said very calmly, a guy I know was shot. I remember like it was yesterday she very coldly said oh...and turned around. We pulled up late to my job and my sister said "use your little boyfriend dying as an excuse for you being late"

I shook my head and made my way to the door. I punched in and proceeded to cleaning the glass when I finally just dropped to my knees and bawled like an infant. My manager came around and told me to take an hour break and come back so I walked around the mall reminiscing. We had went from love to hate within an instance and now I couldn't even apologize for my words. I could never see him again. I could never erase that pain because somehow I thought he would wake up next to Meghan and realize that he loved no one but me and would come back. Maybe that's the reason, although both of us said "DELETE my number" neither of us did.

I wanted to alleviate the pain so I got my ears pierced during my hour break in memory of him. His funeral was on the day of my sister's baby shower and I had to choose, because I couldn't get the day off, which was more important. Celebrating a birth or honoring a death. They say every time God takes someone away from you, he gives you someone new and out of it came my beautiful niece.

No one knows or quite understands how much this damaged me though. I no longer trust nor do I try to love as whole heartedly in fear that the feeling isn't mutual. I live by each moment being my last. I believe that no word is true without a reflecting action or something to validate it. Sometimes when I'm alone I cry hoping he hears me and cries for me too. Hearing that Meghan was pregnant with his child when he died and was considering having another abortion no longer phased me. I find myself comparing others to him, or what I believed he was. Is this guy as caring, does he share the same dreams he did, does he hold me tight and promise to never let go?

I've built walls around myself in fear that someone might find that flaw and knock it down like Jason did. We were never married nor do I think he would have wanted to marry me but I felt deep in my soul that it was definitely til death do us part. I gave my best til I realized it just wasn't enough and I loved like I would never love again...maybe that's it...I just can't ever love again?

There will never be another him, but hopefully there will be someone better. Someone who is all the things I believed Jason to be. Someone that I don't have to say "I love you" to, he just knows it and shows his in return. "A friend who dies, is something of you who dies" As we approach his four year anniversary of his death, and the day my ignorance towards love died, I hope God will restore the life in my ability to love.

"There is only one happiness in life and that is to love and be loved" nothing else matters. I guess I'll never be truly happy until then...

Sleeping With A Broken Heart

Dear Dreamers

The guy I love, doesn’t love me back. Just to save you the time drowning your shoulder with tears and woeful cries filling your ears; I’ll sum it up, he can’t love me. If you want to believe he’s gay, hey by all means let’s just roll with that. I’m old enough to the point where I know not every man I want, will want me back but at the same time, a girl’s allowed to dream right? Prince Charming isn’t real, all those little Disney princesses dreamed of him as a knight in shining armor until her ‘true love’, which is never showed in the hour and a half movie just because they want to give us little girls something to look forward to, comes along. You can cry about it sure. Confide in chunky monkey while watching reruns of ‘Threes Company’ but nothing will satisfy nor fill that emptiness that’s inside. Just roll with the punches, take one for the team and continue life as if nothing happened. Continually pulling down your shirt to cover the bruised soul lying within. Nobody could possibly understand the pain you have experienced by you expressing yourself to him and not even getting a wince in return. Really? I can’t even get the decency to be denied and shot down but you have to leave me completely in the dark that I don’t know where I remain. I don’t know whether or not to label you as gay, confused or stupid. Not knowing could be the worst thing when it comes to love because you are so sure in the feeling you have towards him but he…isn’t so sure about you, which leaves you where? Sitting on a bed at 2:30 am typing endless rambling statements and questions to a bunch of ppl who have NO CLUE who or what you’re referring to…

-Sweet Dreams

Breezy

A Dream Differed

Dear Dreamers,
It's currently 6am as I sit here replaying Christina Aguilera's Lift Me Up, I can't help but reminisce on an incident that happened a little over a week ago. A boy I went to high school with was gunned down right in front of my house. Did I know him? No, not personally. Ask me any questions about him, and I couldn't tell you anything more than his name. Even then, I can't picture his face half the time. I knew of him rather than who he was. All I can tell you was the last moments. Hearing two gunshots ring as prominent as the lunch bell. It was early, or late to many of us 12am. What they were arguing over was only speculated. A 20 year old black (probably gang affiliated)male gunned down on the street of Chicago would be the next news headline. We ran to the window, hoping not to be seen for fear of what would be our fate. A group of people fled from the lifeless body that had red fluids rushing into the gutter. Is that how we expect to die? In someone's gutter, away from any family and friends...alone with no one to hear your cries for help except onlookers from a distance. He was shot once in the back and once in the head. Two minutes later, the police pulled up and put police tape around my house and those surrounding it. I was then interrogated at 3am about what happened, not knowing that already an hour ago, the shooting was publicized on FaceBook. The boy who shot him, was only 15. Neither of these boys had a chance to live...One whose life was taken viciously and undermining what his future held, the other a teenager still in highschool who made the biggest mistake of his life and now is a fugitive who either has to hide in solitary afraid to be captured or hide behind bars, afraid to face his reflection and the very epitome of what he has become. It just hit me, this isn't what we're meant to be, not only as a gender or race, but as human beings. We were set on this earth for a purpose, and whether or not we share the same religious values, we know that we are meant for better things than THIS?!?!


You can only wonder, what was his mother's dreams for her son while she buries him. As I put on my facebook, no parent should have to outlive their child. What was the purpose God had in store for him (Jeremiah 29:11)? One can only think of the pictures that were magnetized to his refrigerator growing up with aspirations to be a fireman, lawyer, doctor, etc...With two lone gunshots, two dreams were differed and silenced for eternity. Life isn't promised nor guaranteed. Live every day as if it were your last or your dreams may disappear as well...maybe not with something as harsh as death but even more so, life.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

Until next time,

Sweet Dreams....

-Breezy

12 Types of Females

Category: Quiz/Survey

There`sz 12 types a femaLes. which one am i??

Ms. Gold-Digger$$ =]
Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.

Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.




2. Ms. Freak (secret lover)Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.

Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your "main".
c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.



3. Ms. Independent
Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.

Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. [Dime]ondAdvantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model" <------- hehehe
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.

Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.

5. Ms. Tomboy
Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.

Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.


6. Ms. GhettoAdvantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.

Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can't stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.LMAO


7. Ms. Good Girl
Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.

Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either:
A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or
B. She said she's never done - she said she's never tried - she's sitting there telling a muthafukkin' lie.


8. Ms. MainAdvantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.

Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass hahahahha


9. Ms. Psycho
Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.

Disadvantages
a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.




10. Ms. I have a Man
Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.

Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. TeaseAdvantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.

Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. MRS. RIGHT
Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dyme she is Beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for, no matter what your dreams are.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST Mind Numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often take most of your *bleep*. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.

Disadvantage
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go

comment on which one you currently are dating or you are =)

Sweet Dreams...

-Breezy

My Names

Dear Dreamers...
People still don't seem to grasp the concept of my two names so I thought I'd make an entire blog devoted to it...my name "yagurldadreamer" originated from my mother. Those that know me, know the trials I've been through with her. She always referred to me as her "'creative' one but I always seemed to have my head in the clouds, and need to be brought back to reality." She made fun of the fact that I had "big dreams" that would never come true as well as others I felt were close to me and should've supported me. In tern, instead of taking the negative energy from those comments and let it effect me negatively, I became the dreamer. I realized that I do have big dreams. I even have lil statuesque dolls in my room that have clouds and stars on my ceiling. I embraced the image that was once used to tear me down. The fact is, before every big event, you plan, think, and even dream about it...nothing just happens over night. I am the perfect example of it...ya'll have seen me grow through myspace and especially my youtube account. Martin ain't the only one with a dream lol...I dreamt of one day living my dream and one day I'll live the dream...but every day...even when that happens, I'll still be DADREAMER 


Soon2basinger - I thought this name was very self explanitory until I actually thought about the depth of it. In close relativity to my myspace account, it was showing the growth of a person. I always wanted to be considered this and that type of an individual but as much as I want to be a singer, I realized at the age of 13 I had a lot of work to do...I sang everyday practiced piano every day, danced every time a beat came in...I loved/love what I did/do...I continued to grow until I became 15/16 and felt I'm almost there...I've overcame many obstacles and tribulations to be considered the one thing I wanted most out of life (a singer). Not quite there yet, but well on my way I'm soon 2 b...learning, growing, becoming more each and everyday...I embrace both my names because as ackward as they may appear to some, they were well planned and uniquely made to fit my personality...


SpongeBreezy - The name is somewhat "out there" in a sense. Anyone that knows me, know that I was nicknamed Spongebob in grade school because my real name was WAY too common. I adopted the Breezy and left the Bob out to feminize the somewhat masculine cartoon character persona I am lmao. Now, people rarely call me the full thing, they shorten my nickname by calling me a variation of either Sponge or more commonly Breezy.


Sweet Dreams...
Yagurldadreamer/Soon2basinger/SpongeBreezy

Why you should "EAT OUT" - Parental Advisory L0l

Category: Romance and Relationships

95% of females can't cum from sex UNLESS, they're on top..and they're on top why? so they can stimulate their clit..by doin' their lil snake charm grindin' grab on our pelvic bones..which..really does nothin' for us(guys)..so the key is..
eat pussy first..make her cum a few times...numb her up..then hammer away or soft and slow with alot of vaginal teasing with your magic stick to build it all up in the end, however u like......

now once ur in between her legs..don't just fuckin' dive in there like a bum at a thanksgiving charity dinner...take your fuckin'time I know pussy is nearly irresistable...but don't act like it is..

lick her inner thighs, kiss them..kiss around her pussy lips..kiss the lips etc. etc..

finally once u've got your tongue on her clit..this is what u do..(u can use ur hands to spread her lips here if u want..that's all preference...it's easier to make em cum w/their lips spread..so u have easier access to their clit) now...roll the tip and somewhat flat part of your tongue around the clit in a circular motion...slowly...DONT STOP...the KEY is to hold your rhythm...listen to homegirls breathin'..use this as feedback..and react w/your tongue accordingly..you want her breathin' to be steady...at a steady pace..kinda like a clock...tick tock tick tock tick tock...it sounds lame but she should be breathin' on beat...no. not MOANING..breathing...listen to her breathin'...listen to the moans when ur on the phone or somethin'...now the key is...DONT STOP
(I emphasize this, cuz it's important...if u STOP GO STOP GO haphazard like, you're not gonna get anywhere)...DONT STOP..even if it's to pick a hair outta ur mouth...just hold your rhythm..circle her clit...increase speed gradually...
once u've got the speed up a bit...and her breathin' is tellin' u on target..use more of the tip of ur tongue...and move it less...but at a slightly faster pace...basically work ur way into..flickin' it back n forth like a punching bag..it's hard to explain..but it's kinda like vibratin' your tongue..not swayin' it back n forth like a wreckin' ball..slappin' her clit as you swoosh by..if u can keep this up for atleast 60 seconds...she'll cum..if she's stubborn and won't bust..get a finger or two up inside her..hook ur finger(s)..and kinda "scratch""scrape""tickle""massage" her Gspot..which feels like a lil sponge..it's on the "ceiling" of her pussy..inside..and up top.. about an inch in.. consider your fingers holdin' the harmony..while your tongue works the melody...and she'll bust before u know it.. good..you've succeded..now the worst thing u can do now..is STOP..keep fuckin' goin..this is the good part..if u ignore her pants, rants, and gestures for u to stop..and keep goin' like she hasn't busted..

(she'll initially want u to stop cuz she's all madd sensitive at the moment)..after 10-15 seconds, the sensitivity for her will fade..and about a minute later..yes A MINUTE..she'll bust again..so do it again and again and again until she declares you the winner....